I am not sure how all hospice protocols are, all I have to draw on is my own experience. Once mom came home I had hospital beds, oxygen and medications delivered to the home. There were instructions on how to combine medications to work on the symptoms she was showing. The oxygen is for when her breathing seemed “off” and I was shown how to operate the machine. There are mouth swabs that need to be moistened but not too wet. The bed has different positions and optimal ways to position the patient on the bed – with all the markings on the buttons wore off. I was given so much information all at once. It has been a couple of years since I went through this with my mother in-law and obviously I have not retained much of the particulars.
The reality is that I do not know what to do or when, how to decide which medication would work best at the time, if she is comfortable or just too exhausted to care. The nurse came back and walked me through it again, slower, so I could take notes. I feel more capable. However, what I have noticed is that mom’s restless legs normalize when I held her hand. The simple act of sitting next to her stabilized her breathing. Talking, reading scripture or singing to her brought a peaceful expression to her face.
Normally, sitting in a straight back chair for long periods of time would leave me stiff; however, while tired, I was able to be fully active and functional each day. I did have a stressful few moments when mom choked on phlegm that she was too weak to clear from her throat. In that instant my mind cleared and I remembered what the nurse said. I got mom turned on her side and she was able to breathe clear. Then I got her comfortable and put the pill for “secretions” under her tongue. She has been fine since.
Caring for someone you love is not a burden or an arduous task, it is an outward sign of the love you have for them. It is called “care giver” for a reason – the title is self explanatory. If the love and care is not present, can you really call yourself a “care” giver? Would it be called something else if you did not care for the patient?
LESSON: Do not let fear of the unknown, or of death itself, rob you of the blessing of walking a loved one Home. There is no greater honor and it eases them in a tangible way.